


Heartburn

by GalekhXigisi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Dissociation, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 20:21:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14940737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: They feel wrong. Too neutral, too happy, too sad, too nothing, too anything. Small things would make them tick, make them stare at their ceiling for hours overthinkinh. They felt wrong in all the worst ways.





	Heartburn

Their body was wrong in ways that made them squirm and even tape down their breasts with duct tape. They found themselves feeling numb, even in this home, with their friends, their lovers. 

 

They dissociated too much to make sense of their own world. They could press themselves further into the world and stayed numb. Or, they could stare at the ceiling and criticize their own body for hours at a time, until a migraine appeared and cramps settled in from the lack of food consumed. 

 

They could've been void of emotions for days on end and then screaming and sobbing over seeing their dog bark at a stray animal outside. They would refuse to eat for days or have ones where they ate too much and needed someone to hold their hair back as they vomited into the toilet until sobs racked their cold body. 

 

Pidge could admit they had faded out of their own emotions since they'd realized their terrible flare of PTSD. Their body would shoot with anything from ghost pains to actual pain that made them stop half way through a conversation to lean against a wall to keep from punching the receiver in the face. They regretted a lot from Voltron, how they'd felt about it all, but they handled. 

 

They were so emotional it made them void of all. They couldn't place themselves, typically, which had caused an upset amount of being “numb.” 

 

“Pidge,” Shiro spoke quietly, taking their hand. They looked up at him, brows gently furrowed. “How are you today?” 

 

Small questions like that snagged their attention to a T. They couldn't process them to make a claim, because they were so lost in themselves. But they would force themselves to pull together. 

 

They leaned up in their chair. “I'm… handling today,” they spoke, contemplating their words, “It's not the worst.” 

 

“One to ten on how well you're handling?” 

 

“A strong three, maybe week four? Its just…” They placed their forehead to his shoulder. “It's not the best, okay?” 

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

 

They looked over at the door, watching as Keith opened it. He seemed genuinely surprised to see them in the living room. 

 

“Hey, KitKat, Shiro. How are you two holding up today?” 

 

“I'm handling,” Pidge spoke. 

 

Shiro offered a smile at Keith. 

 

The man in red sat down, leaning in to gently kiss their cheek. “Feel like talking it out?” 

 

They laughed. “Shiro said the same things. But… if you're alright with listening?” 

 

The two nodded happily. 

 

“I don't… I have too many emotions? So many that I get overwhelmed and just… stop? I don't know what I am, either, now. Like, I understand that there are moments when I feel more like a girl or boy or neither or both, but… It's confusing? I've heard people say its a day thing? Like, a feminine day or neither day? Mine is more than that, more switches? Neither hours or masculine hours. And it just… I shut down.” 

 

They looked at the two, who seemed to be following along. Pidge had taken note of the fact that they had the worst PTSD of their six way relationship. Pidge, with their two limbs now nothing but metal and countless battle scars from when Haggar had taken control of them, just before the paladins had killed them off. Keith, with a metallic leg and the Blade of Marmora on his shoulders. And Shiro, with his time with Haggar and his metal arm. 

 

“I feel like I'm nothing more than flesh, bones, and metal a lot of the time. I know it's not true, especially considering the Green Lion and all. But… it doesn't stop me from feeling terrible and having bad panic attacks from losing my limbs and its just… its all so… bland?” 

 

They shrugged. “I don't want to talk about it anymore.” With that, they stood and left the room, walking to the kitchen with a frown on their face. They didn't bother looking at Allura and Lance, tongues twisted together, hands where wasn't considered publicly acceptable. They stuck their hand into the fridge, pulling out a water bottle. They flicked their fingers up as a hello before leaving. 

 

Hunk greeted Pidge with a smile. “Are Lance and Allura in the kitchen?”

 

“With their tongues down each others throats,” they mumbled with a vague nod. 

 

His smile fell. “You okay?” 

 

“I don't… know.” 

 

He brought them into a hug, kissing their forehead. “And that's alright. Do you want to help me program your new leg?” 

 

They offered a gentle smile and nodded. Thankfully, Hunk typically knew when a distraction would work better than speaking. Pidge was actually pretty grateful for a chance to work on something they loved while coping as well.

 

The nineteen year old might not’ve had the best relationships before Voltron, but dear lord, this one could single handedly save them from all the shit they'd said offhandedly about anything beforehand. 


End file.
